What Hurts The Most
by Erin Ceolmhar
Summary: A Songfic to Rascall Flatts, about Edward leaving Bella in New Moon


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me  
_

Edward sits on his window sill in Alaska, looking out at the horizon. It's raining and his keen ears can pick up every drop that hits the roof. Everyone else has gone out, either hunting, or in Alice and Rosalie's case, taking their boys shopping. Surprisingly enough, its not the rain that bothers him. Sure it brings him memories that he wished he didn't have, but it didn't _bother_ him. If vampires could cry, he probably would be…but it still wouldn't _bother _him. Even if he pretended that nothing ever happened, he still wouldn't be ok, but that _still_ doesn't _bother_ him.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do  
_

What really got him as he was sitting there, was the fact that he had gotten so close to her, so involved in her life…and then he had to leave her. He had to, for their own safety. He could so easily have killed her, brought her with him, taken her life. But then again…no he couldn't have. Sitting there staring at the rain, he could think of so many things he wanted to say to her, so many "I love you"s, so many "I want you here"s. so many things he wished he had gotten out but never got the chance to say. And now he didn't know anymore, neither did Alice, he didn't know what would've happened. What could've happened if he changed her, married her, bed her…now he'll never know, cause he had to let her go. And even though he tried to tell himself that it was because he loved her, and that's all he was trying to do…he just couldn't see it. He felt like he let her down leaving her…and it _hurt_ him.

_  
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken  
_

He heard the door open and close downstairs and he heard the thoughts of his four siblings. As Jasper and Alice walked by, Jasper looked in at him, clearly feeling his pain, and he sent a wave of comfort at Edward. Edward just gave Jasper a small smile, stifling his inner pain and excepting his brothers comfort. Jasper nodded his head and pulled Edward's open door shut as he left. He heard Jasper think "_It will get better with time my brother"_ and Edward stifled a sob. He stood up, deciding he needed to hunt soon and dressed again. He had just been in a pair of boxers and a tank top, but he now pulled on jeans, a t shirt, his leather jacket, and his shoes. In his heart he knew that he couldn't be so far away from her, but he had to be. Thinking back, if he could turn back time he might not have…no he definitely would not have left, not the way he did. But it was too late for remorse, he was gone and she had probably moved on already. The human mind is like a sieve, she would forget what she wanted to forget with time.

_  
What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do

He ran. He ran through the forest, trying so hard not to think, not to feel. Just to focus, one thing, food. Quench his thirst. But no matter what he did, her face, her tears, he scent…it would all flash across his mind. He finally stopped, and sobbed dryly. A vampire cant create tears, but it doesn't mean he cant feel the pain, feel the choking hold on his neck and the shortness of breath that comes with tears. He sat down in the rain, leaning against a tree and just cried. His body convulsed, and he let out all of his pain. He still wished he could see how this was for the best. He wished he could see her living a happy life, and see himself with someone else…perhaps Tanya. No, no one else could compare to her, no one else was as beautiful, as unique, as amazing as her. No one else was his Bella.


End file.
